Jack July

Dear Yuban: Fuck your coffee.

Yu(ban) bastards, it has been months since I’ve been this angry at a *thing*. Yur coffee is not simply weak or unimpressive, the route to mediocrity taken by coffee served in sports bars, realty offices, hospital waiting rooms, and movie theaters. No. Yu push the envelope, yu develop a coffee that is AGGRESIVELY BAD. Each time I drink it, I literally have to brush my teeth before speaking with anyone (note: this is true). A deep, thorough brushing like arriving in prison or waking up in a storm drain.

Yu have raped my mouth, yuban coffee; yu have given me a new compulsion, yuban coffee, so fuck yu.